Jealousy

Who sees this? Who cares. I don't usally put down anything here or on my other blogs that might be used against me. I not that good at this and I find sharing revelations to be dangerous(loss of control).

I have been depressed for weeks now. Money worries and family pains.

Life is not how I want or can imagine it. I failed to capitalize on so many opportunities.

I thought I was the only one. I thought the words were maybe for me. I entertained the fantasy. I lived on the edge of bliss for just a small while. I thought I found a soulmate, a friend, a lover, long distance, but the fantasy played itself out so beautifully.

I was horribly wrong. I was not the only one. And whats more there were others watching and seeing and interacting and and STRAIGHT!

I wanted i needed i i lost! I LOST!!!!!!

i was wrong and i am still alone and i am still stuck here and i hate it/

NOW and beautiful

it feels beyond redemption/ it feels lost/ it feels sadly/ it feels as if another opportunity passed/ another road not taken or offered/

i wanted and i was wrong and here is who i am and here is where i am/

mine is not a clear/ in the now/ i prefer abstract and floaty and esoteric and maybe philosophical/ ffffffffffffffffffffff