***** NOTHING UNREAL EXISTS *****
********* WHAT IS IS *********
Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts,
The impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves,
Then listen close to me ...
Anything can happen, child.
Anything can be.
*** ~ Shel Silverstein ~ ***

Friday, November 17, 2006

Jealousy

Who sees this? Who cares. I don't usally put down anything here or on my other blogs that might be used against me. I not that good at this and I find sharing revelations to be dangerous(loss of control).

I have been depressed for weeks now. Money worries and family pains.

Life is not how I want or can imagine it. I failed to capitalize on so many opportunities.

I thought I was the only one. I thought the words were maybe for me. I entertained the fantasy. I lived on the edge of bliss for just a small while. I thought I found a soulmate, a friend, a lover, long distance, but the fantasy played itself out so beautifully.

I was horribly wrong. I was not the only one. And whats more there were others watching and seeing and interacting and and STRAIGHT!

I wanted i needed i i lost! I LOST!!!!!!

i was wrong and i am still alone and i am still stuck here and i hate it/





NOW and beautiful

it feels beyond redemption/ it feels lost/ it feels sadly/ it feels as if another opportunity passed/ another road not taken or offered/

i wanted and i was wrong and here is who i am and here is where i am/

mine is not a clear/ in the now/ i prefer abstract and floaty and esoteric and maybe philosophical/ ffffffffffffffffffffff




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